I have days where it is absolutely nothing to do with him, or whore, and although they were few and far between in the beginning, they are getting more frequent as the months whizz in.

One of those days, was the flora mini marathon a day really about women, raising awareness and funds for their favorite charity, so for the first time ever I had planned to do it, and I stuck to that, I had been training with a friend who did it every year, now she was a great walker, but had patience with me and we had been building up a reasonable speed for me, however, the chest infection that had caused me to be at home on that first fateful phone finding day, had bunched all that.  I was sucking on an inhaler like it was Gods holy wine.  I knew that I wouldnt be able to keep up with them so I asked an old friend who had just returned from USA, as a newly divorced unhappy woman, turns out he had his midlife crisis just before mine had his.

Anyway she agreed, and came with me, she had a number and all, as one of the group I registered with had dropped out, so she would get her medal if we completed. I knew we would complete it was 10k but we were gonna take our time and enjoy the craic.

At the start of point the lori lynn foundation which we were raising funds for gave me a hat, thank god for it because the heavens opened and it rained for most of the entire walk, I actually walked 10k wearing a black plastic bag, and the water just ran down me, down my face and even my knickers were wet, what a joyful day, however, one good thing was we walked it quicker, actually a good time I thought, because we did it in just under two hours.

My mate had had two cups of tea before the start and we were about 3 k in when she decided she needed to pee, so we were gonna stop at the next block of portaloos, we got there and the queue was massive, ah Im grand she says, go on til the next one, when we got to the next one it was lashing and the queue was even bigger, I looked at her she says keep going, so we did, It was hilarious each one we came to she just waved me on, my sister who was doing it also, texted me to say she had peed in the bushes over near the flyover, but then she is in the army, well used to roughing it that one!

So we know now, we are going all the way, no pee stop, so the finish line is approaching I says to my mate, when we cross this line, we can be profound and say come on the world, yeah great idea she says, and we take on a great stride, get to finish line, we joined hands raised them up high and shout out to all, well I say come on the world, and my mate says "hold on the world Im coming".  Brilliant!

It was a very soul filling moment, and although it didnt last long, it felt good, to be doing something that empowered me, that made me feel good about being me again, and I had laughed naturally for the first time in two months.  Thank god for that, I am alive.