So, the mediation had started, every week we went there and each one was so distressing, imagine I sat there when he said how the marriage had been failing for years, that he had been so unhappy for four years and that I knew all the time that he was unhappy as he had told me so. 

Now about 8 months before the split, he told me that he thought I didnt love him anymore, that I didnt want to be with him anymore, that I never went out when he wanted me too, and he felt like a machine an atm, sitting in the corner.
 I remember this day, because I felt so awful that he felt like that, I told him I loved him, I wanted to be with him, I wanted to spend my whole life, with him, and that we would retire to sunny spain and enjoy being together forever.  I told him that I was so tired all the time, I was worried that I might have a serious illness because I was having problems in my stomach, but that I was getting it checked, and with my 3 twelve hour shifts at work, I was tired afterwards, things were hard, My mam and dad were not well, and because we live so close, on the same street actually, I spent alot of time with them,  I loved them and they were old, they both loved him, thought he was great, my dad regarded him as a mate.
I told him all of this, and told the mediator about this conversation, told her that if he had said that he thought he didnt love me, he didnt want to be with me, maybe I would have agreed that I knew our marriage was in trouble but because he had put it the way he did, I thought I had reassured him.
His reply was he said it to me on a few occassions, I just brushed him off with its all in your head.
So the mediator says, that because of these conversations I must acknowledge that there was problems in the marriage, and he had made me aware of it.  (I wonder has he got hypnotic powers over women),
I was not impressed, but  acknowledged and accepted that he felt like that, and then spoilt it all by saying, I however did not understand that and he knew that I did not understand that, and then made it sound worse and me feel better, out I come with "but he was riding whore then anyway"
Sometimes it is good to watch a vein almost pop in someones eyeball, it was that day.  I was not going to take the blame for this, our marriage ended the day I found that phone, because I would never accept infidelity and I told him that from day one 24 years ago, so it was not news to him. 
The hardest thing was his complete approach to it that it was my fault that he had been so unhappy.
Shame on him.