The signs?

The whole thing about a mid life crisis, is suppose to be that people around you notice the change in you.

In his case, I have to say even with hindsight, giving 20/20 vision, I am still in the dark. Seriously there were no signs, he still smiled at me, bought me pressies, he had always been great a buying gifts, he seemed to know what I liked, It showed how much he knew me.

He always told me how well I looked, now he did try to encourage me to wear more dresses, but Im a bit of a tom boy and preferred trousers, but we are not talking about farmer giles trousers, I liked tight figure hugging trousers, with high boots, or heels, and nice tops, I was not a frump.

I used to wear my hair really short, now I mean really short, and spikey I loved it, so handy and trendy, he didnt like it, and to be fair he told me so, and I was mean because I said I liked it and I was wearing it for me not him, now even as I typed it I acknowledge that I shouldnt have thought like that and should have took his opinion on board, but in fairness, he sat down about two years ago (that year huh), he told me he hated my hair, it made me look like a boy and he didnt like it. I was shocked to hear that, so I told him if he gave up smoking, I would grow my hair for him, He did not want to give up the fags, but I still started to grow the hair, and whenever it was mentioned to me when we were together, I would always say smiling, I'm growing it for love! he knew that, he heard it and he knew I meant it.

Now, as for signs apart from the odd mean comment, he was still the man I fell in love with, there were no fancy clothes, no big medallion and no leather trousers, No new cologne, no extra grooming, but then because his affair was undertaken in a different country who knows maybe he had an extra suitcase stashed in work, with all of the above for his trips to whore. Who knows?

I know the fact that he was travelling abroad, should have been a sign, but these visits just kinda crept up and then he had such a good story, he was on a works committee, it was European there had been a merger, and more meetings just happened, and yeah I trusted him, I believed him,did it make me a fool, probably, because he was cheating, but as a married couple, all that time together, I should have been able to trust him, its a vital part of a marriage, a relationship, but I guess I just got too comfortable with him, maybe that should be the biggest sign, that undisputable trust, perhaps as a individual in a couple you should never fully let the trust takeover, like the treat them mean keep them keen, saying, maybe it should be to keep them straight watch all the corners.

My best sister as I refer to often, throughout my story, and her husband were more than just family they were our friends. Him and my brother in law were pals a long time, and my brother in law is still reeling from shock about this horrible episode, he cant believe it either, no one in my or his family saw the signs any signs, now dont get me wrong we knew he seemed stressed but he always complaining about work and I thought it was his career he was unhappy with, little did I know, me encouraging him in the new European challenges of his job, where to be the undoing of my life with him, or just my life.

So what am I saying about signs, well in my case, I guess the success of his secrecy was his only sign, and just that one day that one slip up where he left the phone in his pocket, because he thought I was too ill to be up, his neglect, his slip up, whatever, was his and my downfall.

So signs my ass, thank god for the slip up, or I do believe to this day he would still be living in his wonderful lying world, and I would be living in his lying world, and I thank whatever it was sign, stupidity, carelessness or deliberate want to be found out. I do truly thank that moment.