why am i here

A friend nagged me, nah encouraged me to start this blog, she likes my talk, I dunno, people find me funny, not weird funny, but enjoyable funny.

Sometimes I am, and as you have seen reading these blogs, sometimes I am not.

I have had a hard time lately,
my life as I knew it was blown apart, by the actions and selfishness of the man I held closest, the man I trusted with my heart, my home and my family.

To be honest, I am at a loss, as to who this man is now, and how he became this man.

He blames me, whilst he now admits, that it was him who had the affair, he takes responsibility for doing that, but the reason behind him doing it is in his eyes, My Fault.
This of course is a major difficulty for me, because I refuse to accept this.

He says I didnt show him enough love attention or time.

In the beginning, it was two years he was unhappy, then it was four years, and now lo and behold it is six years. I hold him in contempt for this.

The hurt his affair brought to me and our children was bad enough, but for him to drag the last six years of our life together, out into the gutter, and stomp on it.
Well it just breaks my heart.

I have tried justifying to him that I was a good wife, that I work full time to help with the bills and standard of life we had (which was okay you know, normal really, that I kept a good home, good body and we had a good physical relationship (obviously none good enough for him)

That I wanted to be with him, I had talked to him about our retirement, that we would move to sunny Spain, where we have spent some lovely summer holidays in the past five years, and he seemed to want that too.


For Christmas last year, I booked a weekend away in a really nice hotel in the west of Ireland, for his birthday I bought him tickets to one of his all time favourite musicians, and we went to
football games, and concerts, holidays and dances, and then in the beginning of April this year, I sat and discussed going on a cruise together in 2012, because we would be 25 years married, he told me it would be a great idea.

He does not accept that these were signs of love, want, attention, they were to quote him, "too little too late."

The problem for him is that I found out, that was never suppose to happen to him, in his world of Walter Mitty, he had two lives and was comfortable to live this double life. Shame on him, and yeah shame on the woman he was with, who knew he was married with children.

When people put themselves first there is no beating that, because they will always be number one on their list and nothing or no one will be able to change that, and they will always always find excuses for their behaviour, because then it is acceptable to them, and their conscience will remain clear and they will sleep at night. Well for them, I wish I could sleep at night.

On the last weekend of April this year, I found a phone, and from there my story starts, the poor me syndrome, is sometimes evident, sometimes it is about his poor me, and sometimes it is about me.

I have always stuck to the truth in these posts, always, now of course they are my biased feelings, but I have tried to be fair, although sometimes that has been hard.


It is my therapy, my vent, my time for me.

I would like to know if its been read, or am I just kidding myself, how do I come across, I dont really know if I should keep going, but most times, I just find myself writing, and then I publish, it is as my pal said addicitive, in a positive sense.

I am getting something out of this, I just dont know what, or if anyone else is getting anything even if it is a few moments amusement.

Sure what the heck, I'll carry on anyway.

M