Okay he is over there with whore, do i just forget about him, move on with my life, or do i sit and cry, spend sleepless nights and stressed days, wondering and knowing at the same time exactly what he is doing,
well the latter of course.
I suppose I was like the walking wounded, I know that it was a miserable time for me, amongst the many miserable times since all this happened, we are five weeks into it now, why wasnt it getting easier?

So the wanderer returns, and what do I do, I text him and tell him I want to talk, I want to find out what is going to happen to the future, his flight does not get in until 12.30am and he arrives at the house at 1am ish, Am I mad in the head, most probably, but I was convinced this was the time to get him even near to the truth, what he had said to me before he went was exactly what he meant that day, how he had fallen out of love with me and where he wanted to be, he had been full of what the future could be for him, his new start in life, his time..

Up he comes anyway, and sits down, I think he was weirded out by the fact that I had asked him up at that hour, he seemed rattled, so I asked him what were his plans, what was going on.
To say I was blown away by his response would be an understatement beyond all understatements!
He held out his hands, and said " Im so sorry, I have hurt you, I was wrong, I want to come back, I never meant any of those things I said last week, I was just upset and confused".

I listened to this, I think the shock faded somewhere in the I want to come back comment, to be replaced with the cynic in me, and in my most sarcastic tone (which is pretty sarcy I may add), I said she must have given you the bums rush then. Imagine that he hadnt expected that, god only knows why, but he hadnt, he said quite the contrary actually, in a offended manner, which showed me he really was still on planet g. (his planet)

He says he was over there and he looked around, and he realised that this was not what he wanted, he wanted to be here with me, with the kids, that his unhappiness, was part of the humdrum of life in a rut, that he  had been looking for something that he already had, and he still wanted it. What did I think.

What did I think, jeez, that was some question, some statement and of course in my mind some bullshit. I guess I was at the stage because he had lied to me for so long about such a big thing that I dont believe a word he says, everything he does Im double guessing, but truthfully, it was the stuff he said before he went and the fact that he went that finished me, I couldnt believe that his new approach was genuine,
I figured that she had given him the no way answer, I mean she knew he was a married man, with kids, she knew we were together, maybe she had just wanted a fuck buddy, and he fell into that criteria before, but not now.

So I told him, I didnt know, that I couldnt really see us ever being back together, but who knew, maybe if he proved to me that he really did love me, maybe but it would not be easy, it could be a year or two years, at the moment it didnt seem likely but who knows what the future holds, that I had never envisage been in this position 6 weeks ago, how could I say what 6 months would be like, 1 year, 2years who knew.

I think he was disappointed with that answer, I dont understand that bit, did he think I would open my arms and say forgive me for not showing you enough attention, for making you go off with whore, please please come back to me, even as i type this i realise that is actually what he expected.

It was late, we had argued and cried and we were both wore out, I told him it was time to go, he said he would show me he meant what he said, he would prove it to me, and he left, I went to bed, but I did not sleep and I doubt he did either.....