So what really amazes me is that how for 23years 11months and 1 day can you look at person, see the same man that you first saw the attractiviness, the strength the good, and then after 23years 11 months and 2 days look at him and see none of this

The ruggedness is now gone to be replaced with a fatter wrinkler face, the grey hair you found distinguished now just looks old, the extra weight that he put on that was okay made him solid sudddenly makes him fat, the crooked tooth that made you smile, makes you sneer, and all his words suddenly have a different meaning everything is analysised nothing taken at face value, lies are looked for in the simpliest things.

Is this a flaw in my character or are the flaws because of his character,
recently i have changed on the inside so much that the outside person had to be changed also, I have changed my hairstyle my hair colour, and the people around me say my deemner has changed also (I suppose that could be a good thing),

I met him one day, he didnt recognise me at first, it was almost funny to see his doubletake, he came over, said i didnt think it was you.  Of course I replied, thats because you changed me, who i was i am no more
and that is how i feel I am NO MORE, maybe it will be a better me at the end of it, but i was happy with who i was, after forty odd years, I had finally grew into my skin, I was better looking in my forties than in my twenties and still wore a size ten, well i did actually wear an eight most of my twenties, but come on seven pregancies and then three live births take their toll on any elastic, skin or knickers....