I posted on a page today, the end,
I do think that it is the end of
his midlife my crisis

chat about mymidlifemariapart2.blogspot.com soon.

I do feel as I read back the last few posts,
I am coming to the end of his midlife my crisis,
I have got so much from these posts,
they straightened the dramas out in my head,
and sometimes, I laughed at them, sometimes, I cried,
often I read and reread what I had written, but never regretted
what I had written, even though sometimes I probably gave way to
much detail of the unfolding sagas.

As for him Gerry, I hope for our childrens sake, we make it easy on them,
as for whore, Marina Profenna, german bitch,
I will never ever get over what she took from me,
and may she pray we never meet,
I pray we never meet,
because through all this,
lies the fact that she knew he was married with children,
and she didnt care, and all my pain and anger is wrapped up into a ball of agony
because of whore, and as you can probably see from all of this,
I'm just not the forgiving type.

I'm thinking of what will be next for me, and I dont for the life of me know,
but, I reckon, I will continue blogging, but change the title to just
My Midlife, or something like that, I'm deciding what to do about that over
the next few days, but I think I can tag it from this blog,
because no doubt, they will be still part of my story,
like a great blockbuster,
Maria part two.
What a laugh.

Bye for now.
M.

I havent seen or heard from him since christmas eve,
I dont think that has been a bad thing, As hard as it was,
I survived it and resisted the urge to text him,
and he returned the favour.

I think this is were we have to be at now,
there is no more us anymore, and it is only prolonging
the agony to keep these text, talks whatever going on.

I suppose it will have to be only about the kids now,
their wants and their needs, I hope he pays what he agreed
every month and we just get on with our individual lives.

I am very sad about the whole thing, but I guess neither of us
want to go back, him because he was unhappy, and me because he made
me unhappier than I ever thought was possible.

I still have so many regrets, and they are mostly his actions, and his
decisions, that I regret, because, I think if he had let me understand where he
was at, before he cheated on me with whore,
I would have tried harder, maybe even changed,
although, I'm still not agreeing it was me who needed to change,
but I understand that he was not happy with who I was now,
but without ever giving me the opportunity to resolve
his problems with me, and how he felt I was disregarding him,
without this opportunity,
how could I have known?
how could I have seen, this hole that he was digging
for our life together, to be buried in.

I feel now that this is what is, for us, a difficult life,
we have a connection with our three children which means there
will always be an us with them, for them, its just hard to grasp
that there will no more be an us, for us, I know that there hasn't been
an us for him, well internally for the most part to him for a long time,
I guess its me really that has the hardest time with the separation, because
I was still in the relationship, I was the happy married woman, (the fool)

I have been a fool, is it because he fooled me, or I fooled myself,
I dont know,
I guess it depends who you ask,
him or me.
To him I was fooling myself,
I didnt want to see the signs.
To me he fooled me,
he deliberately hid those signs from me,
his secret phone, was exactly that a secret,
his affair also was a secret.
When he went there, he came home with presents,
he kissed me and held me, and we did talk about future plans,
he told me he missed me and the kids,
to me there where no signs.

But I do see now, who I see, now that I dont know,
this man is a stranger to me, he is mean and selfish,
self centered and arrogant, and none of this I recognise as the
man I knew and loved and I don't even like this man.

I suppose I am lamenting someone that is no longer there, maybe it
was the years of pretence and lies, that has made him into who he now is,
or maybe he was always that man, and the years of pretence where the ones
before the affair, not now, who knows, who cares, its all irrelevant now anyway,

I just need to get on with my life, whatever it brings, without him.
thats how it is, thats where I am at.

New day, New dawn, Roll on New year.
M

Yesterday, was thank god a lovely day,
it went better than I thought,
we all worked hard and made sure it did,
the kids were on best behaviour at dinner, no bitching,
with each other, and there was 5 of them all around the same age,
so the risk was there. but ho ho they did it.

Christmas morning was lovely, we four got up together,
and went down to open their santa presents, this year I had wrapped
them all up before putting them in their sacks as I suspected a large amount
of snooping was going on.
They were all delighted, with what they got, surprises and all,
then the table was turned and my son arrived down with my present,
they had bunched he said and it was one pressie from them all, and they hoped
I liked it. It looked like a makeup box, so I opened it and holy god, they had
surpassed me, in the box was a netbook, I couldnt believe they had spent all that
money on me, Yeah yeah, I did cry but I was so delighted and excited they took my
breath away, anytime I have blogged or used the internet, I have had to use one of their
laptops, and they knew it would blow me away, and it did.

Then my best sister and the gang came and we had a great dinner, and a great time
and we had a great day. He was missed, but it was not a horrible time, and it proves that,
good times will come for us without him.
Normal will just be a different normal, family will just be different

I thank the lord for the fabulous gifts I have in my life,
my three beautiful children,
My fabulous sister and her family
my lovely parents and siblings,
my health,
my life.
Merry christmas and
Happy new year. M

Its christmas eve, well its like 12.45am christmas day, to me its nighttime
I was working for the first half of the day,
and the deal was he had them for the day,
he was giving them their christmas gifts or
as we called it his santa,
Yeah yeah they are to big for santa, but hey
I wouldnt mind a bit of santa myself, so how can they
be to old.

They arrived back here at six, he came in, I offered
him coffee, he accepted and we were polite, I asked him
why they were back so early, he said we had nowhere to go,
His rent on the house was finished and he wasnt staying in the new place til he
gets back from whore valley in Jan, he was crashing at a mates house,
so they came here,
I said nothing, but jesus how hard was that, he was there
at the kitchen table on christmas eve,
I was preparing the dinner for tomorrow,
and it was something he always did, and he was there,
looking at me, I dont know whether he was punishing me punishing him,
or just oblivious to the hurt and pain, the overwhelming sense of loss, that
befell me.
I got the girls to go into the sitting room, put on a film on the big
tv and sit in comfort,with him, it meant I could close the door, on them, and pretend
I was still home alone, just getting ready for tomorrow,
after awhile, I went upstairs to lie down, I was tired,
I hadnt slept well, and I was working the three days, but I
didnt want to be like a drama queen, if you know what I mean,
so after about half an hour,
I went back down and tided more,
I had spoke to my best sister on the phone, she was horrified he had come in,
thought he was cruel, but to be honest,
I dont think he even thought of my feelings at the time,
he just brought them home, probably knowing that
it was were they should be on christmas eve,
were we all should be, but as I've already said, that was the past.

He stayed until nine, the film was over, and he went,
I do know he was affected by it,
I saw it in him, I think he saw I was affected also, but
what do I really know about him or his feelings anymore.

I am saddened by the whole thing, but I am back in survival mode,
this is the result of the choices he made, the choices I've made,
and whilst it is important to acknowledge the pain and hurt I'm in,
its important to acknowledge that it is how it is now, but will probably
not always be so, the human condition is to adapt to ones surroundings and
adjust, accept, and grow strong enough to do more than just survive, to move on,
I guess that will be my next step, grow stronger, move on.

The snow is still out, and I am still loving it, I just see the beauty of
it, I never knew that I would love looking at it, but I do, I still wouldnt fancy
a skiing holiday, but its great to have a white christmas, fresh and new, each day.
Thats what I'm going for fresh and new.
New dawn, new day, new life.

Merry Christmas.

The gift is got, and I am delighted for her,
he is delighted for her as well, I am relieved that
she will get what she asked for, its going to be hard enough.

That night I get more texts, the problem is that he seems
to think that I am willing to listen and understand,
how miserable he feels, that he is lonely and sad,
and struggling with how his life is
at the moment.

I am caught up with the hyprocsy of all this,
because as soon as I see these texts,
I want to scream at him
ITS ALL YOUR FAULT.
This time I resisted, I just told him that
"I'm sorry to but sorry for me, you took away the chance
to talk from me,
Ring whore she is the one you chose not me"
I also gave him the name of two of his friends
that he had been close to when we were together to ring,
I'm not sure whether they still talk or not,
his reply was he was sorry for all this,
he was going now, goodnight.
I just replied "goodnight"
because I'm wore out with the whole lot of it,
and Christmas, as much as I love christmas,
its coming and he is not part of it for me anymore,
and its so not the way it should be,
but its so the way it is.

The next day, the new best friend texts started,
I cannot understand, how or why he thinks that after
having been in bits on the phone to him, he seems to
believe we are in communication friendly mode.

The first texts where about him going shopping, and that
he had difficultly getting our eldest daughters christmas gift that
she had told him to get for her. Now that megga peed me off, the first gift she had asked for and he said he would get, I had to get because he now has no credit card to purchase online, and this could have only been got online.
So I switched a gift I was supposed to get for the online one, got that,and
now here we were a weekend before christmas and he still hadnt got the computer game she was looking for.
Would I look out for it when I was in the shopping center today and let him know. I said I would if I got a chance but the girls where coming with me. I wanted to say, feck off and look yourself, but that might mean she didnt get what she had asked for, and that wasn't what I wanted to happen for this christmas, no way.
I got to the center and had a look in the gamestore and they had it, I asked my daughter which one was she looking for to make sure it was the right one, she showed me, and when they wandered off, I asked the assistant to stash it behind the counter and it would be picked up today.
I rang him and told him it was there, and he said he would come and get it.

The truth is there was no way, I was buying it for him, he was already complaining about being short, and when I asked me what to get our son, and I said dunno maybe money will do, he said no I dont have much money I dont want to give cash.
HobloodyHo.

I have had a very busy few days,
catching up with all the christmas chores etc.
The winter wonderland is still with us,
and for some weird reason I love it,
even the cold which I always hate, does not depress me.
I am of course dressed like the michelin man,
but I just love the snow, the look of the country,
the whole fresh pure,bright and crisp look of it.

Must be losing it.

Now as positive as all the above sounds and I'm glad it sounds that way,
I still have been having difficult times, this past week
It started when I came home from work, one of the evenings,
and my eldest daughter seems preoccupied, something was bothering her.

So I asked, whats up, she told me her dad had rang, and told her he would
be able to pick her up for school tomorrow if that was okay.
She said yeah, but when she hung up she wasnt happy, why, well
for the past two months, her grandad, my dad, had been bringing them
when I was working, Now her grandad is definitely her favourite, Mine too.

He is actually a sick man, but has to be up every morning for medical reasons,
and it kinda gave he the extra push, to get up, on time to bring them to school,
I had told him, it was too much for him, and he wasnt having it, so he was doing it anyway.
The problem presents itself, who does she let down, and how does she tell them.

I asked her what did she think of her dad offering,
she said she wasnt sure,
how had he suddenly remembered they needed to get to school, and
she was afraid that her grandad would go mad at her,
I said he wouldnt, but if her dad was unable to bring her for whatever reason,
then grandad would probably bring them but bitch about their dad the entire time,
he brought them.
As much as we love my dad, we know him,
and we both knew if that happened,
he would definitely go on and on about it.

So I offered to ring her dad, and see if he could commit to bringing them everyday,
if not he wouldnt be bringing them at all, does that sound harsh,
to me no, to him, probably.

I had avoided contacting him, since his return,
the last contact I had with him, was the text
telling him to have a horrible time with whore, and they deserved each other,
hardly good preview to a conversation,
but she was distressed, and Im not having that.

So I rang, told him what was on the line, and he agreed that
he couldnt commit to bringing them, all the time,
and didnt realize that they had been disappointed that he had stopped bringing them,
he thought they understood, that as he was further away it was harder to get in,
and said that when the weather was bad,
they didnt ring him and ask him to bring them,
he thought they were okay, of course he thought that,
he thinks they are ok with the new life they have,
why would he see this differently.
There is that three letter word for him again, sap.

So then I launched into the how could you, look at what you have done,
you have destroyed me, monologue again, poor him.
His reply was similar back, poor him.
He tells me he is in bits, he is so alone,
he knows he made a mess of everything.
He doesnt know what he is doing or where he is going,
and he was crying also.

God what a mess,
he said he was sorry, sorry about the mess with the money,
and sorry for what he had done,
this is probably the third or fourth time
we have had this conversation, its the first time I used the dipped in dettol
and rolled in gold description to him (I think),
I dont even know if he was saying he wanted to go back,
or he was just doing what I usually do
Wallowing.
I do know that I will never ever take him back, and its not only because of
his sordid affair, its because of his treatment of me, of our children, since.

So we came to the end of our conversation, and my dad is bringing the kids,
and he is sad and lonely, and going to whore on the 29th, so his words mean nothing.
Nothing at all.

Sometimes thoughts just strike me,
you know you are just sitting there and an idea comes,
not mend bending stuff like Newton or anything like that,
just off the wall but eye opening thoughts.

Yesterday in my concentrate very hard to recover efforts,
one of these thoughts came to me.
Which upsets me the most which is worse?
the fact that he choses not to pay,
or the fact that he choses to go to whore again.

Of course they are both bad, but I remember when he went and
managed to pay the whole month also, as bad as it was that he
went the fact that he paid, kinda made it easier to bear, like
he had took care of us first, then went, but this time with the weekly payments, he showed again where his priorities lay, and unfortunately it wasnt with us.

Now I am aware that when I say us, I should say them, the kids,
but I guess it is the poor me syndrome and I include myself with them,
and I think so does he, but for the opposite reason, because he always says he has to pay me, I get the money to do what I want with! there is that word again, sap, however when he leave me short, in truth he is leaving his kids short also.

Then I have the question, when he leaves me short and doesnt go to whore, how does that compare, of course that hasn't happened, because when he is
not going to whore, he is paying on time.

Unfortunately his trips there are getting more and more frequent, she must be pressurising him for more of him, now she knows he chose whore.
I will of course be following this thought with the word BITCH.

Although at the moment I dont hate him,
my feelings for him are still sucked away
somewhere in that frigging great hole in my chest.
For whore there is no such problem,
yeah I HATE WHORE, with every bone, every breath,every moment,
and its not hard at all, now that shouldn't surprise me,
but it does, why?
because behind this hard nosed me, is the logical me,
the real me, the deep down sensible, understanding me,
that knows it was him who cheated and him who is ultimately responsible, but that me seems to have departed where she is concerned,
and you know what
the hate for whore, sits very comfortable with me right now.

Scary, huh.

I am as they say concentrating very very hard,
and its getting there,
I'm putting up crimbo decorations in the job
as they are not showing christmas spirit at all
and the monitors look lovely with tinsel around them

Well I think so!!

It is unusual for me to go this long without posting a blog,
but to be honest, I'm still doing the suffering the martyr at the moment,
I havent been able to get my head out of misery,
that in itself is not good, this I know,
I guess it will be easier over the next few days,
as he is home, and tomorrow I'm back at work,
Life has a way of helping you get on with it.

It all about getting my head out of my ass,
and stop being such a whingebag.
So tomorrow, I am going to concentrate on doing just that.

Thursday was my horriblest day, in a very long time,
It actually started Wednesday night, I had that stinking head cold,
so I went to bed after tea, and had an aul mope,
My youngest came up for a snuggle, and she wanted to put on a dvd
it was called its complicated, and it was to say the least not a good idea.

We were twenty minutes into the film, and I was sitting there with tears streaming down my face, and I had to ask her to turn it off, as I couldnt take anymore of the film.

I felt so bad, that I couldnt hide these stupid tears from her, and she felt so bad, because I was crying, why oh why do these soppy moments overtake me at the worst possible times. These worse possible times for me are when the kids are around, I absolutely hate them seeing me like that, if feels so wrong, they are kids.

The next morning they went to school, and because I was miserable, the worry of the money for christmas, and him gone to whore valley drove me mental, so of course I texted him.

"Just for your information, the 300 euro I told you, I had saved in the bank has just gone as I had to order more oil, I have not bought our son his christmas gift yet, or paid anything else towards his 21st. I only have my wages to get christmas on. So I'm UNfortunately relying on you to make the agreed payment. Please do, and dont leave me short. God help me I never thought I would have to beg and plead with you to support our kids, Look what you have done".

He replied shortly afterwards

"Money went in last nite"

I nearly fell off the chair, I had checked before I went to bed, and there had been nothing, so I figured he wasnt paying anything this week either, as he had said it would be months end before he paid.

I looked in the bank and yes this weeks money was in that was a relief, because it looks like he will only have to make up last week, Another poor me moment ensued, why does he do that, and at christmas, of course he doesnt care it christmas, only for him. I am a pain in his ass, and of course his wallet.

So I was relieved, did I leave it that, did I heck, I was in megga sorry for me mode now.
Picture this, Im sitting there, sniffing, snotting, blowing, tears streaming down my face texting like a demented fool.

"You think you could have told me you paid this week, you have no idea have you.
The hurt and distress I am in. To be afraid to buy a f.cking present for our son. How do you switch off. I am sitting here bawling and you are over there with your whore and you dont give a f.ck about what you have done and what you are doing.WHY

His reply, so sweet so caring, "I told you last week, it would go in today."

My reply "Forget it. Its all about the money.
Ignore my pain.
Have a horrible time,
you deserve whore and she deserves you".

I guess thats exactly what he did. Forget it,
like he managed to forget us every other time he went there, why should this one be any different, the problem is I needed to be the one to do the forgetting,
forget about whore, forget him.
Cop on, that is what I need to do,
recognising this is all well and dandy,
doing it, thats what Im struggling with.

Well the snow is still here, Monday I drove home in a blizzard,
so Yesterday the girls had no school again.
I must be mellowing, because I went out and had a snowfight with them,
Pair of brats, showed me no mercy,
Im like mind the hair, now that its long
it takes minding!!

I decided to do some washing, get ahead, and lo and behold, no water in the machine,
the outside pipe had frozen, so I spent two hours trying to defrost it, with hot water,
and then I figured I would blow dry it, all to no avail, I spent more time trying to drag
my jack russell off attacking the hairdryer every chance she got, it was hilarious and annoying all at the same time.
Well the girls thought it was hilarious and I thought it was annoying,
okay pretty funny too.

So I was fed up and freezing, so I then had a brainwave, I filled the machine, from
the drawer where the powder etc goes in. Of course I have no hose, so its in and
out to the machine with a large jug of water listening for the buzz on the machine as it tried to pull water from the mains supply, Well it worked, the machine went on, and when it went to rinse, I did the same thing again.
I am of course now sweating in case I messed up the pump on the machine, but desperate means desperate measures.

Okay, I probably wasn't actually that desperate more stubborn, you know, I can do it,
I can get the water into the machine, and get the machine running. OH yeah victory. hah

I just did the one wash, to heck with that.
The fact that I had spent the two hours odd,
in the freezing back yard,
meant I woke up this morning snotting and blowing with a head cold. Yuck.

My youngest says people dont say yuck any more mam its sooo old fashioned,
I guess thats me old fashioned, not old though....

The aforementioned dog, barked all night I was like what the hell is the matter
with her, I found out this morning when I went to feed her,
and she had brought a lovely present to my back door,
Now I'm going with it was a very very large mouse, but I have a suspicion a
Rat found its way into my shed, and my brave pippy spent the night trying and finally
defeating this horrible rodent. Thank God.

Why however, can this brave doggy, not put it in a bag and remove it too the bin also.
The girls had a field day, watching me through the window, wincing and whinging as I
scooped the dead thing up and shovelled it into a bag for the bin,
Horrendous, uggh, yes I am a wimp, but mission was accomplished its in the
bin, and the doggy got a big well done, an extra meat, but not to much, just in case,
any more critters are hiding out in the shed, dont want her too full to chase them down.

Really this dog should be trained as a hunter, she has it in her, she catches birds, and bees in mid flight, mad thing, also I have to have to extra long clothesline poles because she attacks and removes anything she can reach off the line. Bitch, but we love her..

The meeting, well I'm not going,
that decision was made by me, and I was going to stand strong,
then I got a text from him, saying he couldnt meet with me,
tuesday or wednesday, he was busy,
so I replied that I had no intention of meeting with him,
until the money is in the bank, as I dont want to be distressed and
arguing with him, the meeting was to discuss the kids, christmas and
our son's twenty first, and how we were going to deal with all of these
events, not about money.

Oh yeah, he got his phone unlocked and a new sim card,
simply amazing.

I texted him that he had better put the money in, and at least that way
I would have a christmas that was just above horror and just below miserable
as I figured that was probably as good as I was going to get emotionally.
He replied that he wouldn't let me down.

Hmh! of course, the bit late for that reply went,
but what the heck,
Im suffering the martyr, allow me these bitchy days.

Where I'm at for the moment, is limbo,
he had the kids yesterday and for the 2nd month in a row,
they spent the entire time with him in his house watching tv.

He told them he is off to whore valley next weekend, he has no idea,
they know that he is saving his money to spend on his new life, I have not commented on this, when they told me that they spent the day in his house again!! as they put it, I said, sure the weather was too bad, ye would nt have been able to go anywhere, what film did ye watch, so they told me the film was good, and then the oldest girl said dad fell asleep and so did her sister so she was on facebook,
I just laughed for her, and said they were gas, but its hard to cover up for him, really I know Im doing it for them, but when I'm having a shitty time with him, sometimes it shows on my face when he is being an asshole with them.

As for the arranged meeting tomorrow, at the moment I'm not planning to go, but with me, I'm like a dog with a bone, I have to say it to him, like it makes a difference to him, the effect of his midlife on me, and our family, of course now there is no our family, it is my family and him and his illusion of his family, and he seems to be happy,with what he has as a family now.
Who knows, maybe he is.

Am I, no, are my kids, no, but then we were happy with our family before I found out my husband was living a double life, a lie, so with all these changes how could we be happy now.

To end on the positive vibe that I am trying to generate,
we will be someday.

Sometimes I think I will never learn,
Yesterday was a stupid me day after all,
I had been bolstered by the few goods days,
by the fact that I had brought the kids to him last week,
I felt that maybe it was possible that although things were bad,
things were settling, this time, he had made the weekly payments,
the mortgage was paid, christmas was coming, the kids and I had
fun, and although life was not what I had wanted, I was hanging in there,
we were getting on with it.

So I texted him, that when I was off next week, we could meet, and talk about
christmas and what the new year was to bring for us.
Now as his family mobile was cut off, because he didnt pay that bill, he called me from
his house phone, I told him to get his phone unlocked and put a new sim card in, of course he hadnt thought of that, but those where the sensible things and I used to keep his head on straight for those things. Well to be honest his bill would have been paid if he was here.

Anyway we agreed to meet tuesday, that was fine, I was trying to end the conversation and he says, Oh by the way, look, I wont be able to pay the weekly money this week, but dont worry, I'll catch up by month end all the money due will be in.

Oh jesus, my heart fell to the floor, and all the propping up and goodwill that had built inside me over the last week, disappeared, I was back at scared shitless.
Look he goes, dont panic, you have my word, I will catch up.
HIS WORD, sure how the hell does that help me, sure I know he is a lying cheating git,
why would he think that his word would reassure me.

Of course I know that he is off again to whore valley, next thursday, for his usual
ration trip, so does that mean he wont pay next week either, he will catch up he says,
look we will talk on tuesday.

Why am I such a fool, Why do I keep letting myself recover a bit, I should just
stay at the I'm f---ed level, accept that this horrible time for me is not going to
get better as long as I have to rely on the financial support of this rotten man,
and that is what he is a rotten man.

Of course I was crying when I hung up, he thinks I should just understand that he
needs his life, and maybe I should, but my concern is us four, his concern is him
one, only one, well maybe two, maybe whore is top of his list now, to be honest
I doubt it, I think he is in highlander mode still, and there is only one.

I texted him, how distressed and panicked I was, and how could he do that,
when christmas was so close and he must have known I was trying to get presents sorted
for the kids, I asked him why did he keep putting us last.

There has been no reply from him, he does not care,
When am I going to cop myself on. I have said before he is a stupid man,
I guess its time I realised that it is I who is the stupid one.
I think that he has the morals that I live by, when the truth is he has no morals
how much more proof do I need.
My dad has told me before that g has no moral fibre, he is right.

Even it he does pay up and catch up, the fact that he has put me through this
all over again, he knows my fear, that we would lose our home, but to do it at christmas
so I am afraid to buy extra gifts, for the kids, when I was trying to prove to them
that we could still have nice times.

I usually say, shame on him, but he has no shame,
shame on me, that I was daft enough to give him the grace of
doing the right thing by his kids, by me.
Shame on me.

Anyway overall my crisis is lower today and the last few days, and
I'm getting on with life, without him,
and he is definitely getting on with life without me.

We havent spoken in over a week and that was a very short conversation,
Christmas will have to be discussed,
I suppose I should arrange to meet with him and talk,
I hate talking to him and I hate not talking to him.

When will I get used to this, never maybe, or maybe soon,
I'm not negative about anything today, its just he popped into my head
I guess all the family time for me, although I am loving it, as I sit here,
it has highlighted his absence.
My biggest emotion about this is simply, regret,
I wonder what his is.

Yep another good day yesterday,
Its back to basics, going nowhere, hanging with friends,
tea on constantly, stews for the dinner,
gloves on the radiator, its like being an old fashioned mam again.

Thanks for that god, it has given me family time, because luckily for me
it all happened on my days rostered off, and this week I have an extra one,
so four days, non stop us, its great.

I did have a bit of a hard time with mam yesterday
she had one of her senior moments, but it passed, and it
was in the late evening when the kids werent about, so we all
survived it without too much drama. Her illness is cruel, but
I must be soothed by the last few days, it hasnt dragged me down,

The son got the internship, he heard last night, so we are all delighted.
He is a good lad, and its great that he got this good news.
Happy days.

It looks like today is going to be another gift from the weather day,
More snow than yesterday, colder than yesterday, whooohooo.

The cakes look good, tg.
Im actually thinking of putting the christmas tree up early this year,
normally its around the 15th December, we do it, mainly because I'm the organiser
in this house, and the tidier, and I was a bit of an Ebenezer,
and liked to drag the tree and decoration day out
til mid month, so I didnt get tired of looking at it.

As I write that, I realize how bad that sounds but that was who I was,
I love christmas, but it just gets more and more earlier each year,
and I being a virgo like plan and routine, I thought it was like a tradition,
set it up on the same day each year, this year, it changes, new christmas, new
traditions, maybe no tradition, see how it goes, put it up whenever the earlier the better, lets get some christmas cheer into us, into me.

The girls and me are going to have a girlee day, dvd, hot chocolate and marshmallows.
My son, has and internship interview for his college course today, he hopes he gets it,
he likes this place the interview is for, I hope he gets it, his form has been a bit poor,
he is very like me, keeps going, but brings his woes with him, and hates the cold.
He is a good lad though.

I did the mammy bit, called him before his last minute get up, and he was not impressed,
and was bitching at me, yep lads do bitch.
So I was like, well I was gonna offer to drop you to the train, but if Im interfering,
you would probably rather walk, so Im not dropping you down now,
Ah it was funny, watching his face, you could see the,
shit, will I say sorry, or will I stand strong and walk thought
cross his mind.
On the hat and gloves go, and he is standing there, deciding, so I couldnt do it,
I gave in got my coat, and off we went, of course I nagged in the car,
how he needed to speak with respect blah blah,
and he said yeah sorry, didnt mean it.

I know, I know, Im a pain in the ass, most mam's I know are,
thats one of the job descriptions for teenagers,
Mams are a pain in the ass.

I am good at my job, what can I say

Today I have had a lovely day, and its all thanks to the snowy weather.
Schools are closed, and The kids and me had a great day,
We stayed in bed until 10.30 and then the two girls were up and out
pelting each other with snowballs.

They knocked the door, but oh suspicious me, open it a small crack
and yep, in the snowball tried to come,
Im not that old, I remember doing that myself.

Then we had sausage sandwiches, dosed with ketchup mmmm
and then two christmas cakes were made.

For dinner a special request from the cold weather crew,
Mince stew, jeez its been a while since I made that, even as they grow into young adults, they still love the old fashioned kids stuff, its great.

Now it is 8pm and I hear the sound of them
laughing as they are back out there, fresh snow,fresh snowballs...
Its lovely, thank god for it.
I'm reminded that its not all doom and gloom,
kids still laugh, life still goes on,
lots to look forward to each new day...