I have had a very busy few days,
catching up with all the christmas chores etc.
The winter wonderland is still with us,
and for some weird reason I love it,
even the cold which I always hate, does not depress me.
I am of course dressed like the michelin man,
but I just love the snow, the look of the country,
the whole fresh pure,bright and crisp look of it.

Must be losing it.

Now as positive as all the above sounds and I'm glad it sounds that way,
I still have been having difficult times, this past week
It started when I came home from work, one of the evenings,
and my eldest daughter seems preoccupied, something was bothering her.

So I asked, whats up, she told me her dad had rang, and told her he would
be able to pick her up for school tomorrow if that was okay.
She said yeah, but when she hung up she wasnt happy, why, well
for the past two months, her grandad, my dad, had been bringing them
when I was working, Now her grandad is definitely her favourite, Mine too.

He is actually a sick man, but has to be up every morning for medical reasons,
and it kinda gave he the extra push, to get up, on time to bring them to school,
I had told him, it was too much for him, and he wasnt having it, so he was doing it anyway.
The problem presents itself, who does she let down, and how does she tell them.

I asked her what did she think of her dad offering,
she said she wasnt sure,
how had he suddenly remembered they needed to get to school, and
she was afraid that her grandad would go mad at her,
I said he wouldnt, but if her dad was unable to bring her for whatever reason,
then grandad would probably bring them but bitch about their dad the entire time,
he brought them.
As much as we love my dad, we know him,
and we both knew if that happened,
he would definitely go on and on about it.

So I offered to ring her dad, and see if he could commit to bringing them everyday,
if not he wouldnt be bringing them at all, does that sound harsh,
to me no, to him, probably.

I had avoided contacting him, since his return,
the last contact I had with him, was the text
telling him to have a horrible time with whore, and they deserved each other,
hardly good preview to a conversation,
but she was distressed, and Im not having that.

So I rang, told him what was on the line, and he agreed that
he couldnt commit to bringing them, all the time,
and didnt realize that they had been disappointed that he had stopped bringing them,
he thought they understood, that as he was further away it was harder to get in,
and said that when the weather was bad,
they didnt ring him and ask him to bring them,
he thought they were okay, of course he thought that,
he thinks they are ok with the new life they have,
why would he see this differently.
There is that three letter word for him again, sap.

So then I launched into the how could you, look at what you have done,
you have destroyed me, monologue again, poor him.
His reply was similar back, poor him.
He tells me he is in bits, he is so alone,
he knows he made a mess of everything.
He doesnt know what he is doing or where he is going,
and he was crying also.

God what a mess,
he said he was sorry, sorry about the mess with the money,
and sorry for what he had done,
this is probably the third or fourth time
we have had this conversation, its the first time I used the dipped in dettol
and rolled in gold description to him (I think),
I dont even know if he was saying he wanted to go back,
or he was just doing what I usually do
Wallowing.
I do know that I will never ever take him back, and its not only because of
his sordid affair, its because of his treatment of me, of our children, since.

So we came to the end of our conversation, and my dad is bringing the kids,
and he is sad and lonely, and going to whore on the 29th, so his words mean nothing.
Nothing at all.