I might as well show all my bad points one after the other.

I think the main one is probably my unforgiving nature, which is probably what brought me here in the first place.

I dont think I ever really considered remaining in my marraige when I found out about his affair.

I am not sure whether it was the lenght of time it had been going on, the lies he told or how he behaved after I had found out.
It is possible it was all of these things, however it is also possible that even if it had a been a brief fling, and he had admitted it to me, rather than me finding out, and he had been down on his knees begging forgiveness, rather than trying to pin the blame on me.
Maybe it wouldnt of mattered to me, I still would have proceeded to the end of our life together.
Of course that I will never know because the latter didn't happen and he was an absolute shit about everything.

Anyway we sat together one day, and tried to talk about what was going to happen, at the last mediation session, we had tried to talk about christmas, I thought it was way to soon to do that, it was months away for god sake!, but now the mediator thought it was something to settle, so he says he wanted to see the kids on christmas day, and I told him that if possible I would not be at home for christmas day, as our original plans last year had to spend this year at my best sisters house, and all being well with my parents health that was were I was going, and we would be there for 2 days.
He wasnt happy with that but I wasnt budging, considering he had fecked off to whore for the last two years during the christmas period, on the pretence of meetings, I was really really stubborn on this one.

So we agree that he can spend christmas eve with them.
I suggest that he could have them for the new year few days, and lo and behold he wont be here, he will be AWAY, he has all ready decided, his new year will be where he wants to be and who he wants to be with. What a sap.

So of course the shutters came down on me and we got no further with those discussions, you know red rag, bull!

Anyway whilst filling in on the background, I of course have diversified from the original blah blah, I was telling you about.

Oh yeah, it was some my of bad points, in particular the unforgivness one.
So we get talking, and he tells me that he will not be on his own, that he intends to be with whore, I tell him that he should be, for all that he threw away wouldnt it be an awful shame if it was for nothing.
I told him I wish he would go there and leave me in peace, he says he is not sure he will go there doesnt know what is happening he cant make plans, he wants to be here for the kids. Did the applause deafen me, no I really think it was derision resounding in my ears that caused the temporary deafness.
So I tell him, really I warned him, not under any circumstances to bring whore near me. That I would probably rip her head off, and that I would never ever be civil to whore, and that I would do my damndest to make sure the kids hated every bone in whore body.
He said that wouldnt be hard, he knew that they already felt that way, and I was glad, to hear it. (although I do have shame for wanting my kids to feel that way, kinda)
He cant believe that I feel this way, that I would threaten this woman, it was not her fault, in fact it has nothing to do with her! now on his planet, it amazes me that he can blame me his wife for his affair, and not the woman he was actually screwing, who knew that he was a married man, with kids, his detatchment wrecks my head.
Then he says the conversation ender, its so not like you to be aggressive, to want to fight with someone, I cant believe you are like this, why are you like this it is totally out of your character!
I do think he actually stood back from the explosion!
To say I lost the plot yes again is an understatement, but one good thing came of it, he knows I am not messing where she is concerned, and hopefully for both our sakes we will never meet.