The party night was over, and alot of the conversations particularly the one about forgiving him etc played over and over in my head. Mostly though I was pissed at him for the texts the night before, so I sent him a bitch text.

"What I dont understand is how me telling you about access to my life spurs you on to get a transfer, when you had already chosen to leave my life anyway.
Wyou were suppose to be only here for the kids and you told me you were looking to go to germany, why didnt you apply for a company transfer already
and have you told them the truth about your affair yet? or maybe I was the last to know really".

His reply

"Im not getting into that conversation, with you it always ends up in a row"


Then I couldnt leave it could I

"it amazes me how you can ignore texts you dont want to deal with, I should try to be more like you, Maybe I can survive this horror!"

"The reason I didnt reply to the text about you and me is because it always ends up in a row and I think there has been enough of that already".


So I texted him, told him pretty much what ye read in the last post, about what needed to happen for us to recover, and his reply really really surprised me,

"Sometimes I think you want to get back together and then other times I think you hate the sight of me!"

Now to be honest, I cannot honestly say how he got the impression I would go back with him but then he is on another planet so who knows what he thinks, but I really needed to clear this up for him so I replied

" There is no getting back together G,
You decided that when you went to whore 5 weeks after we split, and all the times since.
That destroyed the little hope the little chance. It also destroyed me, but you dont want to hear that I know.
I dont hate you, because when you blamed me, my lack of attention, not showing you love blahblah, every single feeling inside me for you just sucked out of my soul, and now I have no feeling not love not hate, only pain, but pain solely for me,which is why everytime we talk I cry, because I am consumed by my pain, My feelings for what I have lost. Yeah it is hard reading but as you have heard it all before I dont expect it to change your concept of me or my ways."M

It took him fifteen minutes to reply to that one

"What do you need me to do to try to make this any better for you", I thought if I wasnt around that was what would make it easier, I wasnt trying to do anything else"

and then

"I want you to know Im not coping very well with all this either."

And there I was back to pissed off again, because we were back to him, and in this his mid life thats all there was him.

So I sent him another bitch text.

"There is no easier, other than admitting that when you started and continued this affair, I thought You were my rock, We were together forever, and that YOU loved ME.
I was not to blame for your unhappiness, you were, because you were happy with me, until you met whore,and then I wasnt good enough, and everytime I did something like not go out or buy you a shite present, you justified and strengthened you belief that no wonder you wanted someone else.
That was you and whore fault not mine. I will never accept responsibility for the breakup, because you went with someone else, not me, and you should have made me understand and given me , given us a chance.
You going to whore,has to be what you want to do. Stop putting that responsibility to me, because I am out of that equation.
There is you and whore, and the kids, You decide what you want to do the most for you, and then live with it, as I and everyone else will!"

Dont think he liked that one either, I put my phone away,and did not look at it until later on, there is more but Ill leave it for next time., isnt there always next time.