So its about two days after the final meeting, he comes up to the house and we talk, we talk about how sad it has been and that we will try and get on for the kids its not easy for either of us, I do understand that.

I told him, that one big problem I had was that he still has a key to the house, I wanted it back, because he didnt live here anymore, and he had no need, and it meant that him having it gave him access to my life whenever he chose.

I wasnt surprised that he didnt like this we have had this discussion before, the meditator said he didnt have to give the key back months ago, but it didnt sit easy with me.

He says what if there is a fire, and Im outside and cant get in, I told him that by the time he gets here from his new address, a twenty minute drive, it would be too late anyway.

I reminded him that I didnt have a key to his house, he says the kids wont stay there anyway, so I said we will have to try and change that but these things all take time, and if we go gentle with them they will come around, they love him they are just hurting and unsure.

I told him I would leave the key with a designated neighbour for an emergency if he felt better about that, he seemed to take this as an added insult that I would leave it with a "black stranger" rather than him, so I told him he was now the stranger to me, I didnt know him at all.

So with much flourish he gave me that key, now I know that it was a significant give for him, but I needed to be selfish about it and I guess I was.

I didnt do it to score points it just felt wrong that he had the key.

He left shortly afterwards he was very unhappy, but then welcome to my world.