The next message was most definitely showing his unhappiness, sometimes when I am being mean, and I dont deny that sometimes I am mean where he is concerned, anyway, when I get messages like the next lot, I refer to them as his illness, he suffers with M.E. now my apologies to the real sufferers of M.E., but his mild dose of it is really that he suffers with ME,ME,ME.

Here is some of his me moments: remembering he is writing these to me, his wife the woman he lied to and cheated on, so yeah I am a bit harsh.

"What I have here is, no friends. Nobody to talk, no money to take the kids out. The dont want to come and sit here all day. And yes I know I have put myself in this position, but I cant live like this."

So I replied
"I am not coping well either, I had so much to deal with myself, My mam and dad's illnesses, Angry and hurt kids, I guess because I feel like the victim you dont get my sympathy, that I am afraid is part of my survival, surely you understand that. What did you think would happen when I found out anyway?"

As his reply, I guess was a near to a home truth as he could get,

"You know what, that was the problem, I didnt think, I was just being selfish, and I'm sorry."

"Yep, me too desperately sorry."

So once again I think we are making grounds, he understands how I'm feeling it is dawning on him, my pain my suffering am I getting there with him.

Nope, the next text, he was back to his world,

"Yes it is my fault, but Im really worried, Im falling apart, Im having panic attacks, Im so alone, I dont know where to turn, I feel so isolated and alone."

So there you are, now dont get me wrong, thats not easy reading from the man that once was your world,but it was all him, all about him, and he was asking me for help or understanding,or what I don't know, but I knew I couldnt go there, and I knew when I sent my reply that he wouldnt like it, and our communication would shut down and we would be back on enemy ground again, but I sent it anyway.

"Thats awful, you need to get help, you should ask to be referred to a counsellor, Go to the doctor as soon as possible!"

I did not hear from him for another two days and I instigated the contact with the details of my work schedule for the next month, as he had requested at our last mediation session, and by then, the month end was approaching, the first payment of our agreement was due,and he was not a happy bunny, and by god did he drag me through and emotional mill that week.